Hidden in the back of my closet are "the pair of jeans". They are not very expensive or super special in any way. But they are "the pair of jeans" that had big impact on my life and thinking. I used to wear them all the time, they were the pair that you always made sure went in the wash first and the ones that you didn't even get a chance to put away because you snatched them right out of the laundry basket to put on when you saw them. The comfort jeans, the happy me jeans, the I'm just kicking around and I want something I'm happy wearing jeans.
One day I put them on and was rushing out the door. Jeans have a tendency of loosening up once you wear them for an hour or 2. When I put them on they seemed tight. I figured they would loosen up and proceeded out and about. I was walking past a building with reflective glass windows and I looked at myself in the reflection. I knew they were tight; I was just fooling myself as to how tight they were.
My legs looked like over stuffed sausages in denim casings. I could not get home fast enough. I took them off and retired them from my life on a temporary basis. They have sat in my closet for a while now. They don't haunt me in any way, I'm not obsessing over them, but they are there. I've been thinking about them and trying to build the courage to try them on. Well today is the day I willed myself to do it. I put them on; I've decided to wear them. They are on the tight side, but people won't be gouging there eyes out seeing me in them. They won't be thinking about BBQing sausages. But I was hoping to put them on and have to say to myself "oh you can't wear those, they are falling off you" or at least something close to that. Maybe having to lament out loud if anybody has seen my belt.
You have to dream big, I have lost a little bit of weight. I have decided that these will be my weekly Sunday goal. Not sure if I will leave the house wearing them yet, but I’m happy that I got them on and it doesn’t feel like I have tourniquets on my legs. Hooray for small victories.
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